I rubbed my eyes and yawned. I didn’t realize how long I was slept, I was emotionally and physically drained out last day. I didn’t want to think about that but also cannot ignore what happened. My hands started trembling when the memories started to flow. I tried to shut myself from them but my attempt was futile.
As my vision became clear I saw someone sitting at the far end of the room on my lounge chair. I was appalled realizing someone has barged into my room while I was asleep. That figure on chair did not move even when I got up.
I mustered some courage and asked ‘Hello! Who it is?’ the figure did not respond.
‘How did you enter? Room is locked from inside!’ that person hand signaled me to come toward him.
I paused and moved hesitantly.
As I moved nearer I could make out the figure more clearly. As it became clearer to me who is sitting on my lounge chair I felt anxious.
‘Dad?’ I said cautiously
‘Yes son, it’s me. Why are you so afraid?’
I rubbed my eyes twice just to make sure that it was my dad. But I was confused how it’s possible.
‘But.. how dad?’ I asked in disbelief.
‘Its me. Don’t worry’ he placed his hands on my head and brushed my hair affectionately. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the warmth of his hands.
‘Why are so worried?’ he asked
I looked at him and said ‘I’m not worried, I’m fine’
‘Don’t lie to me’ he snapped.
No more words came from my mouth and started gaping at the floor.
‘Tell me what’s bothering you?’ he said taking my hands in his hands.
I was sitting on the floor looking upward to him my hands in his. I saw his calm and ever smiling face the light on the wall behind him made a halo around his head.
Then it all came to me what had happened yesterday and tears started flowing form my eyes. He didn’t asked me to stop and I kept weeping like a small boy who has lost his toys.
I don’t know how long I cried but can make out that t-shirt collar was wet due to my tears. I don’t know the exact reason why I cried. May be all the grief that I bottled up all these years came out at once. There was silence between us for couple of minutes.
Then I spoke ‘I hate you dad!!’
‘Why son?’ he asked
‘You abandoned me when I needed you most. You left when I was still a boy. I was barely 14 years. How could you be so cruel?’
‘It was how the fate works son. No one could have stopped it’ he said
‘But, do you know how hard it was me to grow up without you? There was no one else who could have guided me. It was so difficult to make life changing decisions. Whatever decision I made, later it back fired. I became a complete loser. It’s all because of you leaving me. You were not able to guide me when a boy was becoming a man’ I totally vented out on him.
I was surprised how calm he was because he had a temper as I know from my childhood days.
I could not stop and started blurting out again ‘None of your friends or none of your relatives helped us. You never had savings and splurged all your earnings on others. You left us broke with no security, out there on street cold and exposed. No one cared for us. Mom went through hell bringing up me and my sister and you just left us’.
‘I do know all of it’ he said in without changing his expression ‘But I had been watching you, mom and your sister. All I want to say is I never been so proud of you and you have done a great job taking care of your mom, marrying off your sister, you getting married, raising your kids. And I will keep looking after you’
‘I have done great job taking care all of them!! Ok!!! Who will take care of me? Am I not human? Don’t I have any insecurities, Don’t I feel afraid? Don’t I…..’ my eyes started filling up again ‘I’m so scared dad, sometimes I feel I want to just run from all the responsibilities. Whenever I loose or whenever it becomes very hard to move on I just want to drop all things run back to your arms, just place my head on your chest and say “I give up dad, please help me”. I want a hand on my shoulders assuring things will be better or I’m there son don’t worry or just hug me and let me cry’
‘Don’t you think I’m doing same thing now? Things will be better. I do know whatever work you are doing is not for you. You are born to be a great writer and write about social issues that people ignores. So towards it. I’m sure you will do that’
I buried my face in his arms. After few mins I felt his hands thinning away, his figure disappearing in air.
I shook off in shock and get up from the sleep.
‘Oh hell it was dream’ and I realized it was Monday ‘Oh, I hate my job’ and looked at the wall where my late father’s photo was hanging. Suddenly I realized what I had to do with my life.
I pulled out my personal laptop and started writing my first novel. I felt dad who was around me had a smile on his face.
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