MY BREAK-UP

03 Jan 2012

Today is the day which I have been postponing since very long. Now it is the time to sit with her and explain her that ‘This is it! I don’t want to be in this relation anymore. Hope you understand me’.

It is very hard to end a relationship which is 16 years old. But everyone will agree with me that if the other person is harming you in a way beyond you can imagine then ending the relation is the smartest option.

Let me not beat around the bush, ‘I’m breaking up with my smoking’. Yes, I know many of you would think that I’m being silly or I’m writing this just to create hype. But my friends, to be frank I had very close relation with my smoking habit. All my smoking friends especially men will understand what I really mean.

My relation started with smoking around 17 years ago. It was around 8 pm and I was going to shop to get betel leaves for my dad. I saw someone has left half smoked cigarette on road without extinguishing it. I was always curious about smoking as my dad used to smoke. I stopped and checked if anyone is noticing me on the road. Road was quiet deserted. I took the cigarette in my hand. I couldn’t see the brand as it was dark. I placed the butt of the cigarette in my mouth and took in the warm smoke. Surprisingly I dint cough as most of the timers do, may be smoking was in my genes.

Again I met her roughly a year after. It was in public park in Mariyappana playa. Me and 2 of my friends decided to smoke. We decided to try it out in park secretly. We were scared to get it from the shops where we usually visit as the news can reach our parents so we purchased it from a shop which is almost 1 km away from our home.

From then on my smoking continued very much sporadically till I was 18 years old. I entered my degree college. Those were the days during which I decided I will be free and do what I like. My smoking increased from sporadically to 1 or 2 packs a day. I became addicted to her. 80% of the smokes were of shared as I would not get any allowance.

It continued unabated during my MSc days. Also in Msc I had friends from West Bengal who are known to be passionate smokers which encouraged me to dive in to abyss with my smoking.

After my MSc I joined Call Centre. I would like to describe Call Centre as the nursery and grooming centre for smokers. The stress and pressure a person undergoes in a Call Centre would goad him to take shelter in paradise called smoking to keep them under control. Also the nursery doesn’t have gender bias. First time I saw ladies smoking was in Call Centre which is big thing for me given the reason that I’m Indian. I never minded that also I did not think that borrowing a cigarette or lighter or match box from a lady as an insult to my ego.

Later I joined an MNC which involved lot of travelling which also encouraged my habit. Also I was free when I was in different city where I can smoke whatever and how much ever I need. Also we made complete utilization of smoker’s zone in our office.

My darling gave me a shock in 2007, ‘Severe Bronchitis’. I was so sick that I was not able to walk for 10 meters as I would get shortness of breath or dyspnea. Doctor suggested to quit smoking, which I did but for only 6 months. I recovered both my health and my smoking.

Everything was fine until recently I saw my almost 3 years old son imitating my smoking. It was devastating and also as an ideal father I don’t want him to follow my foot steps in this at least. I felt like kicking myself for imparting my bad habits to him. That became a solid reason for me to decide to quit smoking which I was been contemplating for over a year.

Decision was made but I do know that the road ahead will not be smooth. I have heard of withdrawal symptoms and we cannot quit smoking instantly but I have made up my mind. Hope I will have the courage and determination to come out of it completely.

Whatever I’m writing now is kind of obituary to the relation I had with my smoking. It may be easy for someone who has never smoked to tell ‘What’s so big in it?’ I feel like kicking that person. A smoker can only understand what other smokers go through and how hard it is.

Question is what have my smoking given to me? Well, it was with me when no one was there. The following instances will help.

1. It was there when I would feel happy.
2. It was there when I sat with my friends and dint talk a single word but made useful conversations.
3. It was the coolest thing in college. Many might deny but the hell it is!
4. It was there when I was listening to my girl friend without losing track.
5. It was there with me when I fought with my near and dear ones.
6. It was there when I remember my childhood.
7. It was there with me when I remembered closest people I lost.
8. It was there with me when I met my friends after long time.
9. It was there with me when I was stressed to hell and helped me to sing ‘main zindagi ke saath nibatha chala gaya, har fikr to duae mein udatha chala gaya…..’
10. No drinking session is complete without a smoke.

Many more instances but enough let me not get more nostalgic and crave for a smoke.

I started taking Nicorette which was supposed to help in quitting the habit but it tastes like hell. Also I'm not so interested in taking Electronic Cigarette. Nothing can replace the original friends. Whoever tries to give me an idea of Electronic Cigarette I feel like telling to them that its same as sleeping with inflatable doll.

Cigarette smoking is injurious to health. I agree, but there are many other things which are also injurious. Using chemically saturated make ups, using high heels, eating junk food, etc. etc. But no one opposes it. Bloody hypocrite world.

I will miss the aroma of the cigarette smoke and the pleasure of smoking itself.

16 Jan 2012
It’s been more than 12 days since I stopped smoking. I’m feeling better. Anyone can do this

P.S. – I smoked 2 cigarettes on 11 Jan 2012 when I met my friends and had 3 mugs of beer. I think it’s ok.